Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
