Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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