Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
