Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
