someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
