Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just high enough for therapy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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