Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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