Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
