HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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