I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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