Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
