God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
