thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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