I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
