You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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