He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
