I must be too annoying 4 u.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
