a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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