I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
