And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
