hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now