other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful