i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction