I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
