i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.