I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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