I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
