My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
