Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
