He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
