I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
