he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
