I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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