dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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