Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
