I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
