I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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