Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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