If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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