I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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