I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
