Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
