omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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