apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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