kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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