Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Of course I have a pirate flag
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
