dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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