I just saw a hot homeless man
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
