Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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