The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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