Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
