you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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