I think my fart just growled at me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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