I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
