I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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