My first STD was from a foam party
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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