I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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