you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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