my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
