I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
