guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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