I just pynch a tree in the face
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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