Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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