we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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