I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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