nut hugger
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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