Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
