life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
