then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
