I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
