Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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