Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
