guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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