Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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