did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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