He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
