my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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