Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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